+ Your site is ugly; don't subject me to it!

Consider the following: You are innocently browsing the internet, looking for sites on anime or Linkin Park or something else awesome like that, and you reach a seemingly innoculous site. You click the link only to be bombarded with bright, blinding colors, hideous, never-ending and unstoppable background music, animated gifs, and a general plethora of ugly. We've all fallen victim to this grotesque assault of the senses, and our senses have slowly died because of them. If you don't want to contribute to this mass of central nervous destruction, read on.

Here are five easy steps to a non-hideous site.

1.) Choose your colors wisely. Don't pick random neon hues to lay on top of other hues. Pick colors that match, but aren't necessarily in the same family. Contrast is what makes a page easy to read. If your background is black and your font is navy, it's going to be hard to read. Likewise, avoid using blinding backgrounds. In the case of computers, you're staring at a huge lightbulb; the darker the page, the better, especially if you have a lot of text. If I see one more damn site with a hot pink background and purple text I'm going to vomit. Colors that "match" in theory don't always look good together! Look at a color wheel for Christ's sake!

2.) Don't put anything on your site that has the potential to cause a seizure. Don't put a tiny gif of Goku doing the Kamehameha in the background on repeat. If you're going to kill somebody who has epilepsy when they unwittingly stumble upon your page, it's probably not a good idea. Also, if I enter a webpage and hear the Sailor Moon theme song or some other happy horse shit competing with my System of a Down or Disturbed, I'm going to run away and never return, even if I can turn it off. Don't set music to play automatically. If you want to offer sound clips, put it in a section where people can choose if they want to listen to them.

3.) Your graphics are ugly. 90% of the internet is ugly graphics; people who have no concept of art design or colors or anything of the sort. If you failed your art class, don't use graphics. If people complain that your site is ugly, just use text. It spares you bandwidth and it spares us our vision. I don't want to see any ugly pixelated grahpics. I don't want to see any random barf-like brushes. Stars and hearts aren't cute, they're ugly, so stop trying to make things look better by using them 2089309234 times. If you wonder whether or not your graphics are ugly, they probably are. Find somebody better to make them or spare me.

4.) If there are more than 8,000 google results on the same topic as your website, take it down. You're not offering anything original. Unless you're offering a new perspective, new information, or somehow contributing to the internet, don't waste the space. It means there's one less piece of shit for me to trudge through before reaching the worthy places. If you have nothing but an 'under construction' or 'hiatus' notice up for more than six months, TAKE IT DOWN. There is no point in having it there if there is nothing actually on the site. Same goes for blogs. Update it or delete it, but don't leave it sitting idly for no reason. I don't want to run into your ugly, poorly designed, dramatic-bullshit blog when I'm looking for pictures of Alan Rickman.

5.) If you have to use Dreamweaver, yahoo's piece of shit building software, host your site on geoshitties or have to use a layout somebody else made, you should just give up and take it down. What's the point of it being there if you can't even put it together yourself? If what you have to say is really that important, get an agent, because your shitty, attempt-to-do-it-yourself-but-fail website isn't cutting it.

So as you can see, if people would follow these five simple rules, about 90% of the internet would go away, leaving the rest of that space for those of us who can tell perl from html and know how to match colors besides black and [insert hideous, blinding neon color here]. I'm so sick of being bombarded by idiocy. This also works well because the people who are too stupid to make a good site are the ones who also have nothing to offer most of the time, so it knocks out not only the ugly pages, but the pointless and stupid ones. Damn, it's awesome to be right.

Get me out of here!